Inspired at 2.10am while i was in bed

feeling absoutely pissed about some stuff. and some stuff = cellphone matters. You know how alot of people can just die if they left their cell at home for one day (not to mention to lose it, i dun wanna imagine) because they are constantly fiddling with it.

I AM SO NOT THAT KINDA PERSON. yes maybe a little extreme, because i....

1) would not even realise that i brought out my cell with no battery at all.

2) has a full inbox for almost a week and only realise and receive all 20 messages at one go on that very day of major realisation.

3)do not contact with my cell AT ALL when im at home. We are not even physically close. me in the living, balcony, kitchen and the cell always chucked at the case with the tele remotes in my chambre.

4)no one really calls or sms-es me. And i am checking my cell now to prove that Chim sent me most of the msg-es that i have got in my inbox now.

so whats the damn problem man.

i know i hate it too that sometimes you guys get frustrated when you cant get me and that i reply eons years later. but i really tried to connect with the damn device but it is constantly say in the bag, on the table and everywhere except my mind.

i have (yes scream loud loud for all you want) lost the habit and realisation to check on my phone.

i am working now and i will need to switch the damn device to silent mode. and again i do not bother to keep switching the modes that my cell is in cus its just so not natural an action for me!

so i leave it as silent. and thats when people curse and swear.

halo its not just you ok. this i can assure you. even if ya my mum dad (yes he igets fucking pissed at me when it happens to him),aunt, grandfather, greatgrandmother its the same ok.

sometimes your frustration which i feel as well over your replies when i EVEN BOTHER TO APOLOGISE, frustrates the hella outta me and makes me wanna go......

'fuck the damn cellm i dun wanna have one anymore'

but it is MY new phone and i still like it very much so i normally would calm down soon after feeling convinced the fault's not on my device.

so morale of the story is. i.dun.give.a.damn.anymore.ok.about.pleasing.anyone.

fuck i am like working and aplogising and being nice and you know always trying to make everyone satisfied and happy. always fucking having to explain and explain and explain and explain.

do you know how freaking tiring this is for me?

to make people understand where i am coming from for every single shit that i do, i have to explain apologise then attempt to please.

damn sick and tired.

so now tell you what im gonna do things my way and if you have things to say and attitudes to show me, slap yourself and move away. because i had enough. and tmr i am going out to reward myself and do some solid shopping on my own.

i always needed time on my own for my fam and all. if you show some love and learn to see things i do positively, you are my friend. if you are complaining now, then grow up please, because i may love you but if you start been unworthy..you will be deem unworthy.

bottom line. i just need people to understand.